• Valentina Poletti

The "fix me" attitude

Another idea that I find very unhelpful in emotional healing communities is the idea that there is something wrong with us, that we need to be fixed, because we have a problem. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with wanting to heal, but the meaning that we have attached to this process, in my view is quite destructive. Saying that we need to heal implies that something is inherently wrong with us. What an interesting coincidence, that usually people who believe this are also people who have destructive self-beliefs in general and are unable to love themselves. Something is wrong with me is a belief system that comes from a lack of self love, because it implies that I cannot accept me as I am, and I have to fix me or change me in order to be loved or accepted. What then is healing? What we call healing is nothing more than the expansion of consciousness, i.e. the process by which we take unconscious aspects of ourselves - "negative" and "positive" and we make them conscious. This allows us to use our subconscious minds in very effective ways for our lives. A lot of us come to emotional healing communities from a space of deep suffering and pain, and we want to do a healing process to end the pain and suffering. Wanting to do this process however, does not mean that there is something wrong with us, it simply means that we want to expand, i.e. progress in life. Expansion is the ultimate goal of this life, and preventing to do so can become quite painful and create a lot of suffering, as it is resisting our natural progression. It is analogous to growing an animal in a cage that is too small for it. This resistance is the origin of the suffering and pain we're in. It's not that there is something wrong with us that needs "healing", it's that we have prevented ourselves from expanding for too long. Trying to heal from self-hate beliefs however can be very unproductive. Trying to change ourselves because we believe there is something wrong with us can lead to the opposite outcome, i.e. to find more ways to resist that change in order to resist us. That is why a lot of emotional healing communities place negative stigmas on healing processes, such as emotional pain and relief strategies. Accepting where we are and what we are fully is actually the first step to "healing", for self-love is what will lead to our expansion. By approaching ourselves with an attitude of acceptance for how we are here an now, and taking our next steps towards expansion with this in mind, our expansion will become much easier and faster.

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