• Valentina Poletti


I was watching the documentary "Steve Jobs: The Man in the Machine" yesterday, and it made me realize something. I've been studying narcissism and codependency for a while now, their dynamics, how they are formed, their symptoms, how they can be cured on an individual level, and its effects on a social level. I don't consider myself an expert, but I have enough information to write several books on this topic. Yet something has been evading me all this time. No matter how much you know about narcissists, something always seems ot be missing, and that is an understanding of their real self. Since these people dedicate their life to escaping who they really are by feeding a false persona, it is practically impossible to ever see inside of them. Most of the books written about them speculate on who they really are based on their behaviors and symptoms, even Sam Vaknin's "Malignant Self Love", written by a very famous narcissist who is a psychologist and pioneer in the field. Even when we are told what is inside of them, it is near to impossible to phantom it to the extent as to place ourselves in their shoes, and feel true compassion for it. This documentary provided me with this opportunity. Since Steve Jobs is possibly the only narcissist in the world who underwent an incredibly serious and detailed psychological scrutiny, his real self was revealed. For the first time I had a peak into the real person behind the narcissistic persona of an individual, and understand what exactly motivates them. According to spiritual guru Teal Swan, narcissists live with the most painful beliefs in the world. Their real self while growing up has undergone the worst possible experience a child can experience - complete deprivation of parental love. Parental love according to a child is equal to survival, for a child cannot survive without the sustenance of his parents. Thus these people literally die inside. They die emotionally. To summarize what psychologist R. Rosemberg, writes in "The Magnet Syndrome", they close down emotionally, they never develop empathy or a capacity to connect to others. Instead they bury the unbearable pain deep into the subconscious, where it never can be accessed. In order to make sure it remains buried, they create a false persona to cover that is completely ego-centric: omnipotent, superior, un-harmeable, and for whom others are mere objects to be used. He will spend his life with the unique goal of validating this "false-self" by surrounding himself with ego-gratifying people, activities and objects. That is why they often strive like predators to high-status positions. Money, recognition, admiration, awe, devotion are all food for their persona. They will use objects to validate themselves, thus they might chose to surround themselves with luxury and expensive things. They will use people as extensions of themselves, people with high qualities to associate with. They will never stop, their life is a second priority to this goal. If anyone should ever breach this illusion, if anyone should ever question his superiority, he will be devoured or annihilated. Nothing can stand in the way of his falsification. Vampires are such a great analogy to narcissists. Vampires are dead people. They died, nevertheless they act as though they were alive. Their only goal and drive is thirst for blood. The higher the quality of the prey they chose, the better the blood they can feed off. They will often chose people that are vulnerable, gullible, but have some high qualities to them to feed off. Their life is about feeding off people.

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